Christmas Eve Schedule

God, this is more for me than anyone else, but my Christmas Eve Schedule:
4am wake up
5am to 1pm Work
1:30 to 7ish, work in a nap
7pm to 8:30pm traditional baptist Christmas Eve Service
9pm to 10-ish Contemporary Methodist Christmas Eve Service
10:30-11ish Go to bed.


I was reading a post by Nightmare over on the Nemeton, and it made sense:
Until one has walked the apostate's path, such a thing and the reasons behind it would seem inconceivable. After all, as I keep forgeting, for a believer to view such as possible and the reasons we state as feasible they would first have to view core tenants of their faith as potentially suspect. And if they did such, they would likely not be a believer in the first place, or one for much longer in any case.

Why? I mean really, why? I suppose I should clarify...why must one first view the core tenants of their faith as suspect? The thing he alludes to is having one's experience change. Mine has changed, and although I question, rarely have I questioned the core tenants of my faith.

Have I walked the Apostate's path though? Not truly, though there have been times that it has seemed to be within a short jog...or have I? I can't be sure after that funeral... Tomorrow I go to my old church...tomorrow, I may be confronted by the petty politics once more. I will not brook it. Not at Christmas...and if they attempt to do so, I shall be most vocal in my objections. I am tired of being meek before those who taint my childhood faith, I am tired of smiling softly in acquiescence and will not fear to scowl.

As Tobias said, "It would be so nice to be able to just throw the whole thing in the trash and start over from scratch!"

Truly, it would be at times. However, for me, faith is a struggle, and to do so would be surrender, and by God, I'm not going to give up easily.