"You don't seem happy"

A friend told me once, that I don't seem happy any more.  I'm not.  Not really. Not usually.  I probably should see my doctor about antidepressants, but that's probably not the only thing.  I'm far from home and from friends, and those my own age or share my hobbies are students I can't hang out with.  Meetup has no groups for anything I'm interested in.  I've tried going to a few conferences, but none of them were that good, and one ended up loudly (and correctly) decried as a "shit show".

"Try church, there's plenty at church" people say, but in Catholic Churches that's not true.  You've got to be elderly or still in high school, there's no in between.  Even volunteering, it seems like no one will speak to an 'outsider' who has been there for two and a half years.

 Work is...work.  I put in 60-80 hours per sleep and my department Chair is still never happy with me.  Well, actually she thanked me for a good job for only the second or third time this week, as I covered the classes of the current target of her ire, and submitted 83 pages of supporting documentation for my merit review (which she decreed not enough and demanded more).  I think we'll have another search committee next year at this rate.  It causes me no small amount of stress and unhealthy eating.  That's why I gave up pizza for Lent, I need to break it as a staple of my diet in one form or another, as work stress consumes me.

It's not like I've had a break from it in a while either.  Other than two week home in Summer (and still replying to Chair's almost daily emails) and Christmas (doing the same), I've barely had any time off.  I prep, I grade, I teach, and I do my service. I'm on five committees and the Faculty Senate and teach full loads in Spring and Fall, and teach over Summer and Winter, and am expected to work on my research as well.  I do workshops and four week summer courses to improve my pedagogy and meeting after meeting.  I spend a minimum of six days a week on campus; usually all seven.  When I was snowed in for three days last weekend, I felt almost panic, not relief, because I wasn't working.

 And I'm tired of dealing with the new breed of Libertarian Anarcho Capitalist Evangelicals who belong to a megachurch back home and keep trolling my social media with their comments on how public schools are "government indoctrination centers" and that we should just shut them down and homeschool or private school, because that will stop school shootings and "indoctrination".  I'm tired of them saying I'm not a real Christian due to being Catholic, because they know jack shit about the compilation of the Bible nor about theology. I'm tired of them feeling like anyone who disagrees with them is wrong and is going to Hell.  Listen guys, I can hang out all day with atheist activists, and I have, and be treated better as a Christian than I am by you all.  And unlike dealing with you all, when I was with them and with the warm and friendly Presbyterians they were cohosting and cosponsoring the event with, I was doing actual good, because the proceeds of that gathering went to help victims of sexual abuse.  With you though, it's all about "capital campaigns" and tithing ever more and discriminating and lie about almost everyone who isn't you. 

I love Jesus.  He is the Christ.  And I can't help but think He is ashamed of you for lying in His name.