Vocation Vocation Vocation

Vocation is the big word it seems when you're a young and single Catholic. Everyone is pushing you to discern your vocation! It's an important thing to dwell on with all due consideration, and for some it comes easier than others; for a friend it came as simple as hearing God say, "I want you to be a priest".

When I converted, I got my first Catholic vocation talk. I call it my first Catholic one, because I'd had people tell me to go into ministry when I was a Protestant, where marriage and ministry were considered linked; after all the only single minister had to be a gay one. I'm not kidding, I heard that line so many times my dear readers that it still sickens me.

Anyhow, my first Catholic one came in RCIA, the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, or the process where one converts to Catholicism. We were discussing vocations: were you called to the single life, to religious life, to married life? I'll admit, though I was in a relationship at the time I considered whether or not I was called to the religious life. It would have been selfish of me not to consider that path with all due consideration, especially given the shortages. Why I've not chosen that path will come in a minute.

Some other people who have given me the vocations talk since include: Another diocesan priest, a Franciscan monk, a friend who will be entering the Franciscans next year, a friend who reverted to Catholicism, my friend Adam who is a Salesian novitiate, and of all people my now ex-girlfriend. Really, people who are faithful tend to truly stress that one must consider both religious and married life and usually do not give preference to one or the other.

When my ex left me, I realized what hurt more than that was that I'd never see the children we sometimes talked about. Now for those who know me, I have this whole veneer of "no I'd never survive children, they're too whiny and loud", but that loss of potential children was absolutely gut wrenching and more of a tearing out of a part of me than the loss of a woman I had every intent to marry. And so as I found myself newly single and getting the vocations talks yet again, I thought about that. If I was called to religious life and therefore single celibacy, I'd not have that aching in my heart, would I?

Now after a year and a half or so, the hurt of her having left has long subsided. Even the hurt of being cut off is mostly gone, but that idea of growing old alone and without a family is still ever present. If my vocation is to that of the married life, I've come to accept that I'm open to falling in love again, even if it means risking heartbreak once more.