So...it's Lent

When I became a Catholic, one thing I was not fond of was this idea of Lent.  I had flirted with it in the past, but it wasn't a mandatory thing when I was a Baptist.  It was just something you did if you wanted to, but for the most part it was consigned to the Catholic Church; why wouldn't it be?  I had Pharisaical people walking around with ashes on their foreheads to loudly proclaim they were followers of Christ, who were among the worst examples of Christianity that I had ever met.  Worse, the Christ told us not to look gloomy as we fasted, and not to loudly proclaim our works; which these people did.

During RCIA, the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, I met Catholics that were unlike those I had grown up alongside.  These Catholics treated Lent with a solemnity that was refreshing and more pure than I realized could be associated to the liturgical season, much like the Catholics I had chatted with for two years online.  Despite running into people who actually cared, Lent was still difficult to accept, because I hate self denial. I hate fasting.

My first Lent, I gave up my addictions.  Not what you're supposed to do (and nothing illegal mind you, I've never touched drugs in my life).  I failed miserably, less than two weeks in.  I continued to confess and to fail throughout the Lenten season.

My second Lent, I gave up a favorite food, but that was okay, I could just fill the void with fast foods.  I did, however, add praying a Rosary decade a day to my routine.  I've never stopped.  In the two years since, I have prayed that decade each day.

My third Lent, I gave up my favorite comfort food during an especially difficult semester.  This brought me closer to the spirit of penitence and anticipation that I was expected to share in now that I was Catholic, but still my greatest focus lay on when I could eat that favorite comfort food once more.

This Lent, I was unsure what to give up.  I couldn't really think of what would be a proper sacrifice for me.  Then it hit me, as my confessor made it a penance to figure out what to give up for the liturgical season in an effort to draw closer to Christ.  I live on sweet tea from McDonalds.  Every day, I get one without ice...or I did.  When I asked some of my fellow doc students and candidates for their help in making sure I didn't succumb to the desire to drink my beloved tea, I found the Lord using them in an unexpected manner; they informed me that they'd spread the word throughout the department to hit me if I was eating or drinking anything from a fast food establishment.  I complained about this on the Immature Fan Club board at Phatmass, hoping for some support from them, and instead everyone agreed that I should give it up.

Fast food is my cheap way of eating.  I use dollar menus when I don't have the time to cook.  But now, we are five days into Lent, and I have yet to succumb, nor do I intend to.  This is good for me, and I hope much like my decade of the Rosary a day, that it continues to be with me long after this Lenten journey is complete.

However, I don't anticipate it will be easy; I have conferences to attend that will require I pack some minor food to eat in place of fast food.  I keep smelling the fast food like a siren's call as I walk around the cemetery for my daily exercise.  My mother, also, serves as an unwitting source of temptation; on the phone the other day, she was saying "No one would know if you went through somewhere and disposed of the bag before you got to school".  I would know and I explained that, and I also explained this isn't about just me not wanting to get hit by my colleagues, but also about a covenant agreement I made with God at the start of this Lenten journey; one day I will have more than enough to answer for before His throne without having to add something as silly as why I had a plain McDouble when I promised Him I would not.

Even during these first few days, I've been gearing up for my epic Lenten journey with a sacrifice more difficult, but more rewarding than those of years past.  I am forced to actually cook, and in so doing, I have time to think.  I can dwell upon why I'm cooking, why Christ was tempted in the desert by Satan and how my own small sacrifice is nothing compared to the temptation He faced, or the sacrifice He gave.  When this season ends, we will celebrate the most holy day of the Christian calendar, the Resurrection of Christ; the Event that changed the world and I will do it with someone unfamiliar to me.

As this Lenten season began, word went out across the diocese.  The Bishop has re-assigned sixteen parishes worth of priests.  My confessor is moving to the largest parish in the diocese other than the cathedral and we're getting someone new.  I intend to warmly welcome the new priest when he comes, he's been just as blindsided as us, especially to be transferred in the middle of such a busy liturgical season, but at the same time, it's going to hurt having Father W. leave.

He thanked me the other day for being a good example to the undergraduate students in the Catholic Student Association and my response was one of shock.  I'm not a good Catholic, or at least in my view I'm not.  However, I apparently make time to answer their questions (a common joke is that I learned more about the faith in six months of 3-hour once a week classes than they all did in CCD combined), help out with most of the activities, and, according to Father W. at least, it's a rarity that a graduate student would make any effort to help the undergrads outside of the classroom with their scheduling and other problems.  I'm still dubious on many of those, but if he says so...

There is a great deal that I wish to tell him and to thank him for.  I honestly think that if not for his spiritual guidance, care, and compassion that I would not still be here at this school.  I think I would have buckled under the pressure; his praying for me after Confession the week before Qualifiers moved me to tears.  He's done so much for my faith life in addition to providing encouragement:  my first retreat, my first pilgrimage, recommending I get active in the Catholic Student Association (and by extension then, my first Traditional Latin Mass and my first Charismatic Catholic events) confession by appointment at times when I really needed it, and so much behind the scenes work to minister to students like myself.  Not to mention fighting for us in chancery meetings, where scuttlebutt holds that there is constantly a struggle to strip much of the funding from student oriented ministry, because we're ungrateful and going to leave the Church anyhow, because that's what young people do.

This year my Lenten journey contains my hardest sacrifice yet, the fast food that made up one to two of my meals on a daily basis.  It also includes the first time I've had a priest I've grown close to be transferred elsewhere.  Neither is an easy thing, but I trust in the Lord to make good out of what has come.  As I've said before, when something happens, it all works out toward His glory in the end.  Thy will be done Heavenly Father, Thy will be done.