I've been trying to think of what I want to write for the past few days. Tonight, after a long talk with a friend, I realize...what would I change about myself?
I thought up tons of stuff that I went "Well if I could only change that...". Yet only one idea stayed, and that was that I should've heeded my intuition and braved a blizzard to be at my grandfather's side on the night he died.
I considered, would I have gotten as involved emotionally, spiritually, etc. with the church schism? I read entries on another journal from that time period, and I didn't see myself. I saw someone fiery, someone filled with the utmost passion, and such unbridled anger and hatred and desperate desires to cling to what was comfortable at any cost.
The start of three years of spiritual turmoil which recently came to a head...if I could change it...I wouldn't. Who I am now, would never want to be who I was then. For the first time in...years; I feel free.
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