The Winds of Change Part Two

It's funny, I really didn't have a topic in mind when I started to bring up blogger, I just knew that I wanted to write. Writing is cathartic for me, it's something I've been doing for over half my life; even writing school papers and my thesis was an act of catharsis in a way. So when I feel like I'm beyond hope, when I'm beyond saving, when I hurt those I care for...I write.

Writing is an escape from the horrors of my home life. Writing is an escape from the stresses of my schoolwork, of my jobs, and of my failed romance. Writing soothes and it guides to a new way of looking at things. But at the same time, I've got dozens upon dozens of unfinished outlines that have never met pen to page because I didn't feel I could do them justice.

But enough about writing...the shuttle Atlantis made its final launch the other day. It's a year older than I am, and will soon be put out to pasture as it were, having done its duties for a long time. I'm going to miss the shuttle program to be honest; watching shuttle launches was one of the highlights of my childhood, and my favorite toy was a die-cast model of the shuttle Enterprise. I'll miss the Hubble when it is no longer upgraded as well; such beautiful images of the Heavens that display the majesty of God. Yet with the death of the shuttle program, so too will die Hubble without continued upgrades and repairs.

Things change. Change however, does not need to be a bad thing. For instance, I came to a realization last night. I wasn't too happy with it either; everything I have ever done, except my conversion to Catholicism, has been done for the sake of others. I've done so much to spite my father, using my hatred of him as a drive for success. I got my Bachelors with honors to spite him, for all his talk of how worthless I was; I joined two honors societies to spite him. I worked on my Masters to help provide for her once we got married, something that obviously isn't happening now, and I spent the last year of the degree slogging through without a true purpose, just stuck working on it.

But now, now I get the chance to do something for me. I'm not doing this Ph.D. for anyone else, I'm doing it for my sake and mine alone. I'm moving to PA, I'm starting anew without certain people from home to keep me in emotional bondage. I'm nervous, but so very excited. I'm finally doing something for me! For me! And it feels so good.