Senses

When I was in the process of converting to Catholicism, many things seemed to be strange to me. I was used to growing up in a Baptist church, mixed in with Pentecostals in my undergraduate years; I never left Christ completely (aside from a few day long incident), but I did have no set Church.

Here's my basic contemporary service in the Baptist church I grew up in, once we got a contemporary service. A welcome to everyone, four of five opening songs with guitars and drums and blasting subwoofers, opening prayer, offering, more songs, a sermon, and then asking people to devote themselves to Christ during even more songs. Your hearing and voice were engaged, but nothing else.

So imagine my surprise on that first Mass, and those to follow! Incense, my sense of smell was being engaged once we had incense at a Mass. The Sign of Peace, that personal tactile sensation to those around me. Listening and responding, being made to have an actual role rather than just to sit or stand there (this having an actual role includes so much more too, including the "calisthenics" as some like to joke). Taking in the sight of the Eucharistic Host and so much more.

In the liturgy, my senses were engaged in the act of worship in a way I never had been as a Baptist, or when being there with Pentecostals. I wasn't confined to merely listening and singing, but was utilizing everything the Lord had given me to worship Him with!

And perhaps, the greatest thing to me, is Confession. The band Tenth Avenue North has a new song that's all the rage on Christian radio stations called Healing Begins; the lead singer of the group described once in an interview on how we need to confess our sins to other people, not just to God, because it's easy to not feel as accountable when you lack a physical presence. I'm terrified every time I go to Confession, but I'm a better person for it.

When I was a Baptist I would screw up and go "sorry Lord" and then be doing it whatever it was within minutes again at times. I knew I was accountable to Him, but I just kept on going. Having to come face to face with another person and confess my wrongdoings? I've become a better person because I have a physical anchor in the form of the priest hearing my Confession. No one wants to go in and repeat the same things over and over, even though that's most likely what will happen. Yet, I find myself often not repeating them for longer periods of time. A wise priest once said, "The first thing you confess will probably also be the last; God's the only one who can truly purge the worst habits".

In the Catholic faith I've not only found a Fullness of Truth, but a fullness of sensation in worship. I know when my hand was acting up and I couldn't engage in the Sign of Peace for two weeks without worrying about giving my condition to others, it felt like a part of what I'd come to view as worship was missing. When I could once again engage in it, I felt...almost whole again. It sounds strange, but to get used to using my senses in worship and then being deprived of one was almost earth shattering.